The Package

As you may have noticed, I took the blog down a few months ago. A fellow blogger got anonymous packages delivered to her home, workplace and family members. These packages contained copies of her blog. She closed her blog, of course.

She emailed me and told me that along with the copies of her blog were handwritten notes. She told me that there was a poem that ended with the line: "The one that bit your ass was 'Ashley and Me' by Riff Dog." I don't think she really believed I or this blog had anything to do with these packages being sent, but for safety's sake, I closed this blog.

I hated to do it, but I had to be smart about this. If someone is so angry about her or my blogs that they would send packages to innocent family members, then I figured closing it would be an acceptable peace offering.

Apparently not. A few days ago, I got a call from my wife saying I needed to come home. When I got there, I was presented with a printout of this blog. The whole thing, all the way back to the very first post.

I didn't deny anything. I'd like to say it's because I have high morals and all that. But the truth is that I'd had a few months to think about how I would handle this situation if it happened. I thought about how many posts I've written and how many details about myself I've stupidly put into this blog. As I've said many times, I had never intended for the blog to go this long. I let my ego get the best of me and I got careless.

And contrary to what you might think, when I'm with someone I care about, I'm not a very good liar. As I've also said many times, it's not the sex that I feel as bad about so much as the lying.

Telling the truth may have been the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any less rough. She was very angry with me, of course, but what I found much harder to take was that she blames herself as well. I'm still working to convince her that this is all about a childish and self-centered man doing very selfish and stupid things. It truly had nothing to do with her. I've even written that in posts here. She's not frigid. She's not uncaring. And she's beautiful. I've never loved anyone else. Ever.

The sex was me being weak. The blog was my ego getting the best of me.

It's never been a secret that I'm not a perfect person. I don't think any of my wife's friends thought she should marry me. But she did. She's stayed with me through some pretty bad stuff in the past, and she'll stay with me through this. I do understand how lucky I am. And I'm truly sorry.

But I'm also angry.

I've mentioned before in this blog that my wife has some pretty serious health issues. I can't imagine that knowing that, someone would still decide to punish me by sending a package like this to her. I really don't get the moral state of mind that would possess someone to do something like that. But that's exactly what happened. I have to wonder why?

Hence this post, since I assume whoever did this is reading. So . . . why?

I'm in a fairly good position in that now that my wife knows, there's really no further damage than can be done. My family and friends already know I'm no choir boy. And as this person probably already knows, my wife has no family. And I work in a business that really doesn't care about this sort of thing.

So to whoever did this - fuck you.

To my friends, thank you for reading and stroking my never satisfied ego.

And to my beautiful wife, I'll love you forever and ever.